A Bad Dream
by Luna Marisol
Summary: Draco didn't want the attention. He just wanted to dissapear. But life isn't always what we want it to be and we must face the downsides, however it might hurt us. But what happens when Draco deals with it all the wrong way? Warning: Cutting Please R&R!


A punch to the face, one cut. A kick to the stomach, two cuts. The name calling, whispers, sneers and pointing, three cuts.  
Relief swept over him as he closed his eyes, the adrenaline pumping through his body faded and he felt calmer. As if the emotions flowed out of him.

Once again, he was sitting alone on the cold bathroom floor. He preferred to be alone, there was no one to bother him or give him strange looks.  
Those stares were frequent, something he wished to stay the hell away from. He clenched his jaw at the though, but regretted it as he felt that it was still sore. He put a hand to his jaw, massaging it. The anger started to rise in him again. Lowering his arm he clenched his fist and swept his wand over his arm. It hurt, but this was a different kind of pain. It was a pain that made him forget.

He hadn't ask for this attention. Upon returning to Hogwarts, he had been called up to the headmistress' office. What he heard there made him uneasy and he wanted to flee right that instant. Apparently the Headmistress thought that by presenting him this new task, it would be a sort of indication that they had decided to trust him, that he had been too young to really understand what the was doing when he 'joined the wrong side'. They had given him this task as a second chance. A chance he didnt think he deserved.

Also, one of the people he was hoping to stay away from entirely, had been chosen to accompany him.

If it was up to him, he would have disappeared and never gone back to school. But he couldn't stand the sight of his mother, pleading him to go back to finish his 7th year, to get himself a future. But what future would there be for him? Why would anyone want to associate themselves with someone who used to hate everyone who didn't think, act or talk like he did? Draco didn't see a bright future or an easy way out of this. But it was all for his mother. It was the only thing he could do for her after all the things she had sacrificed for him.

At the sight of the her 'colleague' up in the Headmistress' office, he really wanted to become invisible right away. His heart dropped to the pit of his stomach. He turned to look at the Headmistress with a shocked expression, and she in return looked apprehensive. He opened his mouth to say something but his breath got caught in his throat. He was getting furious, at the situation, at himself because in his mind, he was the reason for the terrible spot he was in. But he couldn't change the past. Dropping his gaze, he stalked over to the door determined to not have anything to do with the Headmistress' plans. As he reached for the doorhandle, however, a voice broke the silence in the room.  
"If you leave, I will have no other choice than to ask you to gather your belongings and leave this school... And I do not want to have to do that."

He froze, knuckles turning white at the strain of holding the handle. If he walked out, he wouldn't have to put up with this school, homework or the people - he knew, wouldn't leave him alone.  
But if he ran, the only person left in the world he cared about, would probably crumble to pieces in front of him, and it would be all his fault. Again.

Without a word, he let his arm fall to his side. Someone breathed out.  
"Well..." they began crisply "let me show you to your rooms" the headmistress said as she started walking, going through the door and down the revolving stairs.

Why did the Headmistress have to walk them to their dorms? Its not like they didn't know where they were. Maybe McGonagall thought the two had acquired some brain damage in the war and forgotten where they were going.  
As they came to the staircases, the confusion started.  
"Mr. Malfoy," came the inquiring voice of the Headmistress, "where, are you going?" she asked cocking an eyebrow. Draco was on his way to go down to the dungeons, he stopped with one foot hoovering over the stair.  
"To the dun-"  
"You, are not going to be sleeping in the dungeons, Mr. Malfoy" McGonagall said. Draco whirled around with furrowed eyebrows. He opened his mouth to retort but was cut off again. McGonagall answered his unspoken question "The Head Boy and Head Girl always share a private common room, I trust you know that." And with that she continued up the stairs, Hermione quietly trailing behind.

Draco gulped. _No, I did not know that_.

So was he _hiding_ in the bathroom? Well not really. Hiding wasn't his 'thing', his Slytherin pride was still there to make sure he didn't do such a despicable thing. It was more avoidance.  
Draco knew Hermione was out and he just ended here. Usually, he spent his days in his room, coming out only for the necessities, mostly to go to class. Draco never really talked to Hermione, but just nodded at the floor, but she always seemed to have something to say to him. And some of the things weren't Head's related or even hateful, which surprised him.

Draco rarely spent enough time in the same room with her, to muster up the courage to look up when she spoke to him, so he didn't see what kind of feelings could be seen in her facial expressions. And if it was like he thought, he wasn't sure he wanted to see those angered, hateful looks anyway.

But Draco did as he was told, all for his mother. He did his duties as Head Boy; helped the teachers even though they might be reluctant to recieve it and help the Headmistress on her duties. He looked out for any student that wasn't behaving, although that, plus assisting the Prefects, was something Hermione always handled. The two had come to a sort of silent agreement that that would be best as they could see the spite of some of the students whenever Draco was around.

Like today. A fight had broken out in the courtyard between a Hufflepuff and a Slytherin. Draco was sitting in his usual dark corner, hidden from view when he heard the shouts and clapping. Peeking around the wall he noticed the bushy hair bouncing it's way through the crowd. She wasn't much taller than the arguing boys - trying to stop the fighting, but to no avail. He was thinking about staying there and letting Hermione handle it alone, he knew she could always take care of herself. But suddenly the two boys drew out their wands and thats when Draco thought he better go help out before anything went wrong. With a sigh, he got up, walking away from his safe spot.

Heading over to the group, he could hear Hermione's yelling for the two students to quit, but it was almost inaudible over all the other cheering and screaming of the crowd.  
"Stop it now!" Hermione yelled trying to break the Slytherin and Hufflepuff apart. Draco stopped and stood across from Hermione, stepping between the two fighters.  
"C'mon, knock it off before you each loose house points!" his voice was loud but void of any emotion as he put a hand on each students shoulder.

There were constant shouts from the crowd, even after the fight came to a standstill, so he didn't hear Hermione's shout to look out.  
Draco's hand was roughly pushed away from the Slytherin's shoulder and instantly he felt a fist collide with his jaw. He lost his balance and fell backwards, landing hard on the cold cobbled ground.  
The crowding students fell silent.  
"Draco, are you alright?" Hermione asked worried as she kneeled down besides him on the ground. A murmur grew from the crowd as they all watched, some with a bemused expression, but others shocked. Draco propped himself up on his elbow and felt his sore face. He ignored Hermione's question – and the fact that she had called him by his first name. Her concern made him feel even weaker and pitiful... He just sneered at the other Slytherin.

"What is going on here?" The voice of a teacher came from the other side of the courtyard. Assessing that Hermione would be fine and able to handle the situation with a professor involved, Draco got up quickly and pushed his way through the crowd.

That's how he had ended up here, in the bathroom. He'd come to clean himself up but found a distraction when he poked hard on the cut on his lip. It was like the anger and anxiety sipped out with the blood.

He was so into his thoughts that he was abruptly woken up by some footsteps outside the door.  
"Draco?" Hermione called but he wasn't worried, she would probably think he was out or in his room. Draco just kept quiet, a firm hold on his wand.

He was glad when the silence settled again, thinking that maybe Hermione had left for her room or gone out. But, his heart stopped as suddenly the door was opened to reveal an oblivious Hermione. In his hurry getting here, he'd forgotten to lock the door.  
"Oh, sorry!" she said blushing, stopping. She was about to step out when she got a good look at what Draco was up to. Hermione's eyes shot up in shock and horror. "Draco, what are you doing-"  
"Get out" Draco simply said not looking up. He covered his slightly bloodied arm and put the wand besides him on the floor, but he was sure she had already noticed what he had done.

_Shit._

"Draco why-" Hermione started again, rooted to the spot at the door entrance.  
"Please, just get out" He said louder this time, dropping his head, wishing she hadn't just come in.  
"But you're hurting yourse-" Knowing she wasn't going to let it go, Draco got up from the floor determined to get away.  
"Fine, then I'll go" he muttered making his way past Hermione, but she pushed him back again with a force that didn't match her lithe figure. "What are you doing, get out of the way!"  
"No!" Hermione retorted, a set expression on her face. In one fluid motion, to quick for Draco to register, she pulled out her wand and summoned Draco's, to land in her other hand.

Draco turned around and cursed himself for forgetting his wand on the floor.  
Looking back, he sidestepped to the left to get around Hermione, and she mimicked his moves. He tried again on the other side, but found that she wasn't going to budge.  
He glared at her, clenching his jaw. Once again he was reminded of why he was in here. His throat constricted, his breathing was getting heavier and all he wanted to do was to disappear. It was the lowest thing anyone could do, any Malfoy could do; show his weakness in front of others. Draco had learend that from his father. A sudden chill grasped at his heart. _Look where it got him._

"Please," he started in a low voice, "just leave me alone." As he said this, he remembered that this was actually the first time he had looked at her properly since they started school. He was relieved to see that there was no actual trace of hate towards him, but it made him furious to see that there was pity in her eyes. And that was worse in his opinion.

Hermione didn't move, she took her time to look at Draco. Really look, trying to find a trace of an answer on his face.  
"I'm not going anywhere," she paused, taking some quick heavy breaths "until you tell me why..." she said pleadingly, tears starting to form in her eyes.

Draco didn't answer, he couldn't, he didn't want to. He just wanted the ground to open and swallow him whole. He bit the inside of his cheek, clenching his fists and just kept staring at her, the pain from his arm was dull now. Why did she care? _She didn't..._ Maybe this was just one of those stupid obsessions she had to rescue everyone, no matter who it was. No matter what that person had done to her in the past...

The past. God it was eating him alive from the inside and he never saw a way out of that misery. He knew his newfound 'solution' didn't actually take his problems away, but if doing what he did made it take his mind of things for those short moments, then it was worth it, right? Hermione took a step closer to him, sadness settling in on her face, reaching out a hand to hold his arm. He didn't do anything to remove it, he just looked down at her hand like it was some strange thing he'd never seen before. A gesture that he had never received from anyone other than his mother. Probably the only one that cared for him. It was pathetic really.

But it was too much, he didn't deserve that kind of affection.  
Draco stepped back and threw his arms up, running his hands through his blonde hair. Hermione gasped, startled by his sudden movement. He looked at her and shook his head. Draco felt his chest tighten, wanting to scream and damn everything to hell, but it got stuck.

He turned his back to Hermione, not being able to stand seeing her there with pity in her face. She shouldn't be here helping him - she should be minding her own business and letting him die slowly of his own misery.  
He wanted to let his anger out, but he couldn't, at least not onto the person behind him. Draco was not going to cause any pain to her again. To anyone. The memories of all those wasted years, trying to undermine her, the way his father had taught him. The hate in every word Draco spoke, the taunting, all for what? So Lucius could end up in Azkaban or watch one of his so called friends dying? All the worthless crap he had to do for _him... _He snapped.

He balled up his hand. Draco let out a yell, full of his bottled up emotions and sent his fist flying towards the mirror, making it break into a million tiny pieces. Hermione took a step back, hands flying up to her mouth in fright.

Draco stood there panting, head dropping, he could feel his hand throbbing but he didn't care. Not even all those cuts on his hand could ease the pain. Nothing mattered anymore, he couldn't keep this up forever – this slow destruction. Maybe he should just end it once and for all. He didn't care about what it did to himself, but knew his mother would be the one to actually crumple up and die if he did anything more serious.

He staggered back and slid down the wall to the floor. He put a damaged hand to his forehead and the tears flooded down his pale face without any struggle.  
Draco felt hopeless, like he was that mirror and there was nothing he could do to get the pieces back together. He couldn't see a way to repair himself.  
Last time he had been crying in this school was when Potter had poked his head in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom and used the Sectumsempra spell on him, which was kind of where he'd gotten the idea to use his wand as his torture tool.

He felt something warm settling to his side and a strong safe arm across his shoulders. Hermione had come to sit besides him. She curled her other hand through his arm to hold him closer. She was crying too as he was trying to get some quick breaths through his sobs.  
"I just don't know what to do anymore," he said quietly shaking his head. He put his hands on his head and grabbed his hair in desperation. "I just want it to be over...I don't-" he trailed off crying harder.  
Hermione uncurled her hand and brought it up to his tear stained cheek. Draco closed his eyes as he felt the soft hand, immersing in the warmth. Hermione delicately wiped away the tears from Draco's face and sensed him calming down. Gently, she pushed his head to rest on her shoulder.  
"I know..." Hermione whispered thickly stroking his hair, "I know, but it's alright now..." she said soothingly. She heard Draco's breathing becoming more even "You're going to be alright now" she reassured, kissing the top of his head.

He nodded against her shoulder, to tired to speak, the exhaustion that had accumulated all this time finally catching up to him.  
Draco felt calm and safe. Safer that he had ever felt before. He drifted off to a gentle, dreamless sleep, keeping the feeling of Hermione's warm touch with him as he did.

Maybe he would wake up and all of this would just have been a bad dream.


End file.
